Thursday, March 20, 2008

Stock Market Moment

I recently had my first one of these. When I worked for TMC, I had a small amount of money taken out of my paycheck each month and put into a retirement account with TIAACREF (emphasis on "small"...who cares about retirement when there are college loans to pay, starbucks waiting to be drunk, and cute clothes waiting to be bought?!).

Anyway, this is money I never think about. It just sits there, and 4 times a year I am reminded that I have a little bit of money sitting somewhere. In case of an emergency, like the lawnmower breaking in the middle of summer. That's about what it might pay for, if I'm lucky.

So I was talking to my father-in-law (who is very knowledgeable about stuff like this) about the stock market, and how someday we would like to invest something. And then I thought of my sitting money! So he gave me a couple tips and suggested I call TIAACREF about transferring my money to something a little higher risk.

Here's about how the phone call went:

ME (trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about): "Yes, I wanted to see about transferring my funds I have invested with you into something a little bit higher risk but broad-based, like the Total Stock Market or the S&P 500."


CREF MAN (after a long period of typing and silence): "Well, we have the Russell 3000...BLAH BLAH BLAH.... " (In all fairness, I'm sure he didn't actually say "blah, blah, blah." But that is what these inexperienced ears heard.)


ME: "All right."


CREF MAN: "How would you like me to proceed, Mrs. Faris?"


ME (deciding the safest thing to do was come clean): "I DON'T KNOW. I just told you what my father-in-law told me to say. I have NO IDEA what I am doing."


CREF MAN (after a moment of silence, and surprisingly no laughter): "Well, would you like me to transfer the money?"


ME (thinking, "Please, PLEASE don't ask me another nonsensical question!"): YES!


Well, that's about it. My first stock market moment. Maybe my filthy lucre will multiply and in 30 years we'll be able to replace not only a lawn mower, but....well, I don't know, something bigger than a lawn mower!

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